Perfectionism crept in today. Today, I did my free
one-on-one session with a trainer at my gym. We did a Fit3D scan, a workout
together and a few fitness tests. This was challenging for me mentally.
First,
the scan opened my eyes to what my figure looks like when I am relaxed on day 1
of my period in all of its “glory”. My confidence was up and then…. It wasn’t.
Hello not-so-flattering 3D images!!
Then, there was the workout & fitness
tests. I did great on my lunges and plank time, but man, are my hips tight.
This effects how deep I can get into my squats and it also effects my range of
motion in my legs and stretches. I need to work on this. Getting a personal
trainer and doing yoga was recommended.
After our session together, the trainer and I discussed
the option to work weekly with a trainer and pay monthly. Oh, how I WISH I
could afford this. Expert help like this would give me confidence in my form
and training. It would be fabulous! Unfortunately, this was way outside of my
budget. So, it was disappointing to let it sink in how helpful this would be
and how I absolutely cannot take advantage of this.
After my one-on-one training session was over, I was left
feeling out of shape, under equipped to get my forms down and so very far from
all of my fitness goals. I also lost the confidence to lift after that (for the
day). I felt all eyes on me to get those forms down correctly, when I struggled
with my trainer today, very publicly. So, instead, I got onto the treadmill,
set it to a 7 incline (about half way to full incline) and walked, then jogged,
then ran at a very manageable pace for 10 minutes. This run helped me overcome my negative feelings.
During the run I
reminded myself how bad I want this, how serious I am about trying my best, despite
my small budget & how far I have come. That got me feeling better.
The old me would have looked at my 3D images and would have
slipped into a depression for at least the rest of the day. The old me would
have lost hope and shoved my dreams of being a bikini competitor to the side.
The old me would have said, “Competing is for the elite, you are not up there.
You have such a long way to go. Settle. Settle for being an active mom. Be
thankful for what you have, but don’t try too hard and disappoint yourself. You’re
never going to look fit enough. It’s expensive anyway. Don’t be so selfish!!
Spend the money on your kids or a family vacation instead. What business do you
have spending that kind of money on a suit, a tan, a show etc. Please!!”
But
this is the NEW me. I am dealing with all of these old habits of feeling this way.
I am working through them. I am choosing EVERY SINGLE DAY to BELIEVE in myself
and keep trying, training and dreaming. Hope is not lost. But it feels a little
dim at the moment. I will not lie.
I thought about how I would cheer a friend up if these were HER
results instead of mine. I am way too harsh on myself, but ask me about my
friends and it is a whole different story. I am quick to praise my friends,
encourage them and help them see the positive. I want to see my friends happy,
hopeful and proud. So, as weird as it sounds, I am choosing to love myself and
speak to myself as much as possible the way I would speak to a friend.
As my own friend this is what I would say to myself, “Lila!
You are doing so great!! Seriously. You have changed so much! I wish you could
see yourself on that 3D scan when you started your nutrition and training in
March. I know you’d see a huge improvement.
You have stuck to eating gluten free, and dairy free (minus
a few dairy treats) and you have avoided so much sugar!! I know how hard it was
to change your nutrition, especially with those sweet cravings.
Your chances of getting adult onset diabetes have dropped
and you can keep up with your kids. Your mood has improved, your attitude has
improved and you have had so many no-scale victories, like fitting in your clothes
better and having more confidence.
Don’t give up now!! Keep going. Keep checking your progress.
You will be amazed at the changes.
If you make this a lifestyle, you will continue to improve.
Give it time! It takes a lot of time to see the changes you want, but man, is
it worth it. Time will pass either way. So, why not continue to go after your
dreams. Take it one step at a time. I am SO proud of you!
You are an awesome mom and you are setting such a great
example for your kids. I know they must be proud of you.
One day, you are going to inspire other moms who are feeling
the way you do *right now* to keep going and stay positive, even when they don’t
feel like they are enough.
Be your own inspiration. You’ve got this!!”
If you have ever felt like this, know you are not alone. I
understand. Let’s keep working through our mental hurdles, and achieve our
dreams one step at a time.
~Lila
P.S. I will be sharing my Fit3D images from today, but not
yet. I am very thankful to have this data to compare to my at-home tape measurements
and to my caliper pinch test results. Both tests (the Fit3D and the caliper
pinch tests) gave a different Body Fat % number. It’s interesting comparing the
two. I am going to continue to record my data and I will continue to test my
body fat etc. with the caliper test AND Fit3D tests. I plan on testing with both,
every 2 months. However, I am going to wait to show the images from today until
I can compare them to my new results in 2 months. This gives me the opportunity
to feel positive with an improved update. I like this!! You’ve got to do what feel
right! I will be sharing the measurements in my next post along with my body
fat % from today's 3DFit scan. So, look out for my measurement post and have an
awesome day!
